You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
