We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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