You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
