what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
