Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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