i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
