You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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