He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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