They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
