I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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