No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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