Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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