but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
operation have a gay friend backfired
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
