Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
