felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
