UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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