I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
