the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
