i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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