im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I won the penis lottery.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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