last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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