you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
