I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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