Duck Duck Cougar?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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