If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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