I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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