you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
