The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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