She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
