I need help removing her.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She told me I should be a condom model.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
