I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
