he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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