My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize
