I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
