He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
