Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
