It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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