btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I deserve this hangover.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
