you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
