Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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