There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
