I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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