Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize