your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
