Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
