wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im part way to drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
