It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
