so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
