so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
