I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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