Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
