I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
