Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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