Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
