if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
