I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize