Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
