Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
