I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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