You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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