when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
