too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
