you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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