How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
birth control should be required to get into college
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i drank out of a bidet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
