there's paper in my vomit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
