I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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