Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
