I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
