I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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