she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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