i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize