i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
