Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
