the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
