I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
