Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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