He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
