Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
