Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
