dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mom said you looked used
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
