remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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