just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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