She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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