DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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